He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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