I don't remember. Are we still dating?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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