I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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