im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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