I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
