tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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