He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
