hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
wow bdsm is so cute
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
