Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
