Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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