I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
