I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
