dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
