I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
