The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize