i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
