i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
