Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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