don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
