I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
