my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize