How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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