I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
