Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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