a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
