I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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