After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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