this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
