she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
