So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
