I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
