Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
