Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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