You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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