I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk is not a location!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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