Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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