he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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