she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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