When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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