I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
