haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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