Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
