I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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