I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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