I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
