chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
