She announced her abortion via fbk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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