God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
