I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
