I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize