I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
