WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My ass is underappreciated
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
