fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
