Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
