apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
