we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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