Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
