I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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