I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Less talking, more tequila
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
