yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize